Confessions of a timid, trepid bus rider

I am basically a shy person. It has been a challenge to overcome it. Although even to this day I have my days. Today I needed to go work on a biz book summary so I took Line 25 to Barnes and Noble. I study entrepreneurism and write another blog about it. On my return the bus was really full. For some reason the days of my youth came back to mind.

When I started elementary school I lived in the country and a bus picked me up to go to school. I was scared to death the first day of school. I didn’t know these people and know where I was going. I remembered the fear of boarding the bus when I was very little. It was totally a foreign country to me. Many days I would feign being sick so I would not have to go to school. It was just this fear of going into an environment I was not familiar with.

Some days, when boarding the public transit bus, this comes over me. It must be deeply imbedded in my subconscious. Not every day, but once in awhile it comes back over me.
I see some on the bus who have that same fear in them... a feeling of being out of place, shy, drawn back. Many have no choice... they must use this form of transportation. I have actually heard someone say the reason they don’t ride the bus is fear. “I am afraid to ride the bus,” someone once told me.

Over the years what I learned to do is face the fear. I don’t feel comfortable in meetings where I go and I don’t know anyone.  But in what I do I have to do it. My remedy... attack the fear. “Feel the fear and do it anyway” is my motto. It’s hard sometimes, but I still do it. I may fight it right up to the hour I must go to the meeting, a reception.  As a youth, this fear caused me to develop a stuttering condition. In some cases I feel it coming on. I have learned how to handle it.  I have college degrees in speech and theater. I took speech classes to overcome the fear of people, to learn to speak in groups and to people. The remedy... face the fear and attack it. I see some on the bus with that same look in their eyes. I know where they are. Anyone who has had to overcome something can spot it in someone else.

On the bus you are really close sometimes. You sit right next to someone you don’t know and there is no space,  literally no space between you. There’s a moment of reckoning. Do I sit next to that person or not?  It’s not easy.

So what’s the point here. Doing this forces me to face this on a regular basis. I have chosen to fight it, even though some days my psyche reverts back to the little boy getting on the school bus. As a stutterer, I fought it by becoming a speaker. Although I am still somewhat reserved in groups socially.

Whatever I was weak in, I attacked it. I still do.
Over the years I have learned one origin of fear...  focusing too much on ourselves. When love is the focus and my attention is on others, I notice it subdues it. In speaking, when I focus on the people and helping them, fear is not as present.

The little bus trips some days are me continuing to attack what was once a fear. Surveys indicate there are many who have a form of social phobia... the fear of being around groups of people.  All who are fearful like this, I say get out in it.  Attack it.  Use public transit as a place to go into the unknown, and take it on.

The bus culture is an opportunity to keep attacking what you feel insecure about, fearful of, and not to let it beat you.
 
The person next to me may not know I am having a bad brain day. But he is my ally to help me overcome what controls my mind some days.  After a few glances at those around me, they don’t seem too scary.  So I make this imaginary pact with them in my mind... “with you and me we will win.” When I get off the bus I want to say, “thank you... we won today!”

“Learn to live through love;  love drives out fear.”

Bravery is to be afraid, but do it anyway. Have a brave day.