Sunday, September 23, 2012

A Bus Date.. getting a little closer


How’s your love life?  

During the early part of the day, end of the day, Saturdays in the middle of the day, many buses are very full. You normally have to sit next to someone or someone will sit next to you. To some this may seem uncomfortable, but on the bus it seems acceptable... really doesn’t bother you that much.

Then the other day it hit me... what a place for a date.
Been wanting to get closer to someone?
The bus is the answer
.

Whether single or married, this is a great novel, different, and unusually romantic possibility.

The seats are close together so you sit very close together. More than on any other form of transportation... trains and boats and planes. Reminds me of a song.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZzZnQ7hX8cM

For example, you may be in college, have been wanting to get close to someone. Been a few places but always had some physical distance between you. Suggest a bus date. Make it sound different, metropolitan, somewhat earthy, while artsy. Now, you have your big chance. When you board the bus you of course will sit together. There is no other place where you can sit as close as you do on the bus. After a few hop ons and off, you will have eliminated the physical distance factor and establish a closer feel to each other. Great opportunity here to get close to someone you really would like too.

And the married couple who goes your own way so much, suggest a unique night out. Use the bus as your transportation. Maybe it will bring back the memory of your college days when you rode the bus around the city.  Or let it be just one of those simple moments that most couples seem to relish the simplicity of. Take time planning your routes together... using the city transit website. Find out how your bus system works and make it an adventure together... to a stroll downtown, off to a quaint eating place, a walk in a park, a special dessert. If you live out of town, come in, park the car/SUV and use the bus.

Then too, you are really close and it’s a great place to spur some intimate conversation. With some people around(don’t want all to hear), a whisper in the ear, touch of the hands, creating time of moving closer that takes you back to when you were hooked on that feeling.  A good place to spark the feelings of those times when the fire burned brighter.

The bus is a great novel date idea that could kick the romance up a notch or two. Or if it’s the one you have been wanting to get closer to, arrange the date so you must make several bus changes... the frequency of being close breaks the ice so it becomes a spontaneous way of becoming closer.

The bus is a good place to get closer, naturally. Better than trains, or boats, or planes, and the automobile.

Monday, September 17, 2012

Confessions of a timid, trepid bus rider


I am basically a shy person. It has been a challenge to overcome it. Although even to this day I have my days. Today I needed to go work on a biz book summary so I took Line 25 to Barnes and Noble. I study entrepreneurism and write another blog about it. On my return the bus was really full. For some reason the days of my youth came back to mind.

When I started elementary school I lived in the country and a bus picked me up to go to school. I was scared to death the first day of school. I didn’t know these people and know where I was going. I remembered the fear of boarding the bus when I was very little. It was totally a foreign country to me. Many days I would feign being sick so I would not have to go to school. It was just this fear of going into an environment I was not familiar with.

Some days, when boarding the public transit bus, this comes over me. It must be deeply imbedded in my subconscious. Not every day, but once in awhile it comes back over me.
I see some on the bus who have that same fear in them... a feeling of being out of place, shy, drawn back. Many have no choice... they must use this form of transportation. I have actually heard someone say the reason they don’t ride the bus is fear. “I am afraid to ride the bus,” someone once told me.

Over the years what I learned to do is face the fear. I don’t feel comfortable in meetings where I go and I don’t know anyone.  But in what I do I have to do it. My remedy... attack the fear. “Feel the fear and do it anyway” is my motto. It’s hard sometimes, but I still do it. I may fight it right up to the hour I must go to the meeting, a reception.  As a youth, this fear caused me to develop a stuttering condition. In some cases I feel it coming on. I have learned how to handle it.  I have college degrees in speech and theater. I took speech classes to overcome the fear of people, to learn to speak in groups and to people. The remedy... face the fear and attack it. I see some on the bus with that same look in their eyes. I know where they are. Anyone who has had to overcome something can spot it in someone else.

On the bus you are really close sometimes. You sit right next to someone you don’t know and there is no space,  literally no space between you. There’s a moment of reckoning. Do I sit next to that person or not?  It’s not easy.

So what’s the point here. Doing this forces me to face this on a regular basis. I have chosen to fight it, even though some days my psyche reverts back to the little boy getting on the school bus. As a stutterer, I fought it by becoming a speaker. Although I am still somewhat reserved in groups socially.

Whatever I was weak in, I attacked it. I still do.
Over the years I have learned one origin of fear...  focusing too much on ourselves. When love is the focus and my attention is on others, I notice it subdues it. In speaking, when I focus on the people and helping them, fear is not as present.

The little bus trips some days are me continuing to attack what was once a fear. Surveys indicate there are many who have a form of social phobia... the fear of being around groups of people.  All who are fearful like this, I say get out in it.  Attack it.  Use public transit as a place to go into the unknown, and take it on.

The bus culture is an opportunity to keep attacking what you feel insecure about, fearful of, and not to let it beat you.
 
The person next to me may not know I am having a bad brain day. But he is my ally to help me overcome what controls my mind some days.  After a few glances at those around me, they don’t seem too scary.  So I make this imaginary pact with them in my mind... “with you and me we will win.” When I get off the bus I want to say, “thank you... we won today!”

“Learn to live through love;  love drives out fear.”

Bravery is to be afraid, but do it anyway. Have a brave day.


Monday, September 10, 2012

The Bus Culture needs a Business, Professional culture presence


Being on Line 14 is a interesting ride. It goes by an infamous place for less fortunate people... with a hotel named after a state. Quite the combination... have a name of a state, be a hotel, but houses the displaced.

The Statue of Liberty inscription could very well fit there:
“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses, yearning to breath free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore,
Send these, the homeless, tempest tost to me,
I lift my lamp beside the golden door.”

Many look down on this hotel, but maybe we should salute it as we go by because it represents the keynote invitation to  America.

I have picked up on several conversations on Line 14. One was a single mom needing a way to find money to pay for living expenses for herself and her children. A young man attending the local community college hoped to be finished soon, and was looking forward to getting a job. Another guy pointed out a CAT earth-mover that was sitting by a local convenience store being renovated. He told his riding companion that he would be driving that in two weeks. He added, “I won’t be broke no more.”  

No one likes not having money but we go after it in many different ways. It’s so much a person’s mindset. Some are retrofitting life, and others are being proactive. Some look back to where to get it from something or somebody. Others look forward to what they can do that will provide money in return for their efforts.

Panhandlers ask you for money and offer nothing in return. Someone who has no clue to who you are may ask you for money to ride the bus. I am amazed at the various price ranges for a bus fare they request... as they must think those they ask have no clue.  (Now, I have never been hit up at the terminal for money to ride the bus, although I have at other places. They really are a misrepresentation of who uses the public transit system, and give people the wrong  impression of what is going on in the bus. They create a misleading picture of the whole bus culture.)

On the other hand, a business person who wants money will offer you something of value and service to you. If it fits your need you will give him money for it, and he prices it so he has some left over above his expenses.  One person offers you nothing in return, while the other offers you something of fair value, that you desire to use.  One is retrofitting, the other proactivating.  Why is that?

From those on the bus, it is my guess two out of every three are trying... others are down on their luck as we say, and the rest may have fallen out of their high chair when little and had permanent brain damage.

I feel most are trying. What’s unfortunate is they have never been around those who live proactively. They don’t understand the principle of fair exchange. It’s not part of their developed mindset. No one has ever had influence in their lives  to show them a better way, or they lack a positive role model that would demonstrate another way. They just don’t know.
So many have molded a get-what-I-can-for-free-for-doing-nothing-in-return  mindset on how to do it.

Two different ways of thinking:
The retrofit mindset has a problem and looks for someone to blame, tries to find someone else to fix it.
Th proactive mindset has a problem and looks for an opportunity within the problem, then enlists others to participate in the opportunity with him.
The retrofit mindset... shrinks life.
The proactive mindset... keeps expanding life.

I talked to someone who once lived at the “hotel”. The way they saw it was that many there took pride in panhandling. They bragged to each other about it, and just infected more with their retrofit ideologies. Living around others who live that way,  they had a tendency to feed off of each other. On the bus and around the terminal, the retrofit mindset when together can fester like a virus.  It becomes more cemented in their lifestyle than ever. When the talk there is about  something is wrong with everything, everybody, infestation grows. It’s not proactive, solution-based thinking. They express helplessness, and show their ineptness in how to negotiate something better.  So, they just complain.

How can we break this up on the bus and in the bus culture?  I feel we need to bring the other mindset of proactive living into the mix so others see another way. Those who desire to raise the standard of the community, and have figured this out, practice it, and live proactively can change others. What is needed I feel is those in business, professions, skilled labor can serve their community well by getting in there and stir in some new ingredients to this recipe of living. If two people in business were talking to each other on the bus, the conversation would be totally different. It would be people who are problem solvers and looking for viable solutions, taking productive actions, looking at problems with a belief in a solution, enjoying themselves and having fun with life.
This would begin to rejuvenate a despairing culture. Others would hear. You are close to each other on the bus and it’s easy to over-hear conversations.

Why don’t others ride the bus who could be implants to cultivate a new culture? It may be the bad rap the panhandlers create in using the bus ride as a method to get money.  It’s a false image of what’s there. Based on what I see, it’s not as bad as some not on public transportation make it. Much can be said to justify the use of public transit, such as the lower cost of transportation, strengthening the foundations of alternative transportation, and interacting with others which could increase the quality of our community as a whole.

This last one is what is needed so urgently... bettering the community as a whole. By segregating into our own little groups we aren’t bettering of the whole. A blended culture can grow up to be a healthier culture. The bus is a natural blender.

Business people, creatives, professionals, managers, community leaders and social service agents, the retrofitted society needs your proactive vision. Just being there... so people pick up on your character, your attitude, your aura, your Spirit... just being there makes a difference. Proactive role models are needed to be around the bus culture.

When you love somebody, 
and that person thinks you are somebody,
that person will copy you.


The bus culture experience can change to vision, hope, possibilities, solutions. The culture presence can change which would lead to refreshed ideals, to changing the way of thinking. We can make impressions of positive, proactive living into the lives of those of which this is a foreign way of living.
And, then everyone will have a better bus culture experience.
The transit system needs you.  

(Note: I took liberty to recreate the word retrofit into a cultural characteristic.)

Monday, September 3, 2012

Bus drivers as change agents

It was a rainy day and most were congregating in the terminal. Two were talking and obviously in some kind of a recovery program. The one sounded like he had been incarcerated for a while, and his mindset was one  hardened to changing his ways. He was to some degree continuing to brag on a lifestyle that got him in a bad place in the first place. A bystander was listening to them, and I knew who he was... his brother was also in a recovery program.

As I listened, and watched, I could feel the climate in the room. The person I knew was friendly, until the other two began talking. You could see the him change as the other two talked. Friendly to me at first, then his attitude shifted, to not even looking at me as I walked out to catch a bus. When together, they play tough. When alone, they can be cordial.

Why do I have faith in people being transformed? I have seen it. My Dad owned a dairy operation. He had several working for him on a regular basis. We called them hired hands. On several occasions, some came to my Dad looking for work, just getting out of jail. They asked for a job to start over. In many occasions, my Dad would hire them.

Growing up I had chores to do.  I worked beside these guys on a regular basis. One job which required my assistance was bagging grain to be made into feed for the cows. It took two of us to do it... one to hold the burlap bag and the other to shovel it in. I was the bag holder,  spending hours at a time with many who were rough, from the other side of the tracks, as we worked on chores. More of my time growing up was with these guys than others. As we worked together, they would frequently talk about their lives. My parents were strong Christians, who never cussed, expressed anger, or told vulgar stories. As the boss's son, these guys seemed to respect that and did not do that around me.

Baseball and football were favorite sports of mine. We had pick-up games frequently. Since they lived in houses my Dad owned, we many times played there. My Dad would always invite them to go to church with us. Many wouldn't go, but they had no doubt to what my Dad stood for. Our family was steady in our standards. We never condemned but always stayed consistent to what we believed in. My Dad was always fair, treated everyone with dignity and kindness, and lived who he was. To this day, I don't understand hypocrisy. I never saw a double standard in our home. Those who worked for my Dad never saw a double standard. This over time had an effect. When you do what you believe is honorable and noble... in public and behind closed doors... others just know when you're a straight shooter.

Not to sugar coat all this... I saw my Dad cussed at, lied to, and threatened. Although, he still stayed true to what he believed. 

I saw many lives change. Not so much by words but consistency in lifestyle. It was more about who my Dad was, always honest to others in speech and character. I learned this... respect, kindness, courtesy, honesty, thoughtfulness, consistency win out over time.

One time, when I was in college and home for summer,  I was crossing the town square of the small town where I went to high school. I heard someone call my name. I looked around and there was one of the hired hands I had worked with. It had been several years since I had seen him. He was married, had children, working a steady job, and living straight. He made it a point to tell me the difference my Dad made in his life.  He gave my Dad credit for turning his life around by giving him a second chance.

I think one reason I have been fascinated by the bus culture is it reminds me of my days growing up. I am still acclimating to bus culture, although my desire is to inspire people to always do better, try hard and keep improving themselves. It started in my childhood working with these guys. Some had no vision or ambition.  This again locked in... as I wanted to inspire people in all rungs of life's ladder to continually develop themselves, live for more or better, cultivate vision and make life a personal mission... the bus culture is similar to the element of society of society I grew up with. They are the same kind of folks I have desired to influence to change.

While on the bus and at the terminal, I have seen some unscrupulous people.  Although I firmly believe they can be turned around. Because I have seen it with my own eyes. I have witnessed it happening.

With that in mind I know the leadership who drives the buses are crucial to changing our society. The driver may be the only positive role model some have. A driver's show of respect may be the only respect someone gives them. The belief and kindness shown may be the only belief and kindness someone shows to them.

When this is real, people follow our example. If it is not real, fake, a hypocrisy, people rebel more and become worse. The potential for positive change of our culture is so much in the hands of the transit operator. What they do and how they treat others can change a dark, defeated, hardened part of our world.

I can see it may be challenging to handle certain people every day. But, in the long run, if all the drivers work with a sense of mission within the job, life transformation can be possible, it can begin.

My dogged belief is .... I have seen it, I know it can happen and the transit operator holds a key that can change things to the better, that no one else can. We can start edging the bottom to move it up.

For the record: I do see a high level of professionalism among the operators, nonetheless, the mission may extend beyond this to a civil responsibility. The imperative challenge is being in the strategic position of being a change agent.

Those who drive a bus can lead a needed change in America... by moving the bottom rung of the ladder up a notch or two.  It is more than just a job. It is a special assignment that can bring improvement to society it so desperately needs. A transit system can influence a culture by a proactive persona of operation.

I respect you and am cheering you on.


As my pattern I like songs to communicate my message.   So here's one for the occasion. When a patron gets on,   ... "Hey, why don't you take a chance on me.?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CHk2I-sNoGI
("Take a chance on me" by Abba)

My Dad did to many... and he won many over... over time from day to day.